I decided late one night that I was going to start this blog so that I could write out all of the thoughts that I typically have to edit down on Instagram. With that said, I’m in the middle of an evolving journey of parenthood, so upcoming posts will travel back through that journey, as well as capture what I’m currently doing and learning.
I started collecting these animals from various Dollar Trees months ago knowing I’d use them eventually. I have other random animals but since these are all animals found in Africa, I thought that I could make a nice cohesive activity tray. I found google images that looked similar to the figurines body positioning, printed and laminated them. I set up this tray for my daughter’s shelf, but for about two weeks now she’s had very little interest in her shelf or sitting at her table. She interested as she was in the activity when I introduced it, she wanted to stand to view the animals on the couch. She actually lost interest completely when I tried to shift the materials to the table. (I will dive into the “shelf” in another post.) It’s been abundantly clear through her actions that Lyric is in need of Gross motor activities. Of course this clear need is happening when our options are limited under social distancing rules. Parks being closed has been a real challenge.
In the traditional Montessori cycle of work, an activity is brought from a shelf on a tray or in a basket. The child works on the activity, then returns it to the shelf. Two-year olds are not expected to have the full cycle mastered, but you are laying the groundwork. However, I left Lyric in the living room where her activities are as I prepared lunch. A few minutes later, she began running back and forth between the living room and kitchen bringing the pictures and figurines one by one into the kitchen and placing them on the floor. She first lined up all of the pictures horizontally. I then encouraged her to match the figurine to the picture. She had turned this activity into a gross motor learning activity. And why not? She jumped across the photos and later straddled them once she added the figurines. She knocked the animals over, then matched them up again.
If you watch the video clip below, what is unseen are all of the various things that are being communicated, though not necessarily verbally. The need for gross motor engagement was the first. The second that I want you to notice is the lack of praise on my part when she correctly matches the figure with the picture. On instagram, I’ve talked about being a “good job junkie”. “Good job” is the default catch phrase for adults whenever a child does anything that pleases us—no matter how big or small. Many of us were raised in a time where the prevailing wisdom was that you should constantly praise your child in order to build their self esteem. These days, adults are encouraged to give feedback rather than praise. Instead of “good job”, describe what they’ve done or accomplished. Smile at them! Here is a passage from “How Toddler’s Thrive” to out things into perspective.
“You may be thinking, But if I don’t praise, how will she ever know how to act? Where does feeling good come from if not from being praised? See if you can remember a time as a child where you had an “A-ha!” moment, where you figured something out on your own. Did you have a sense of satisfaction? Of feeling good about yourself? Maybe even feeling empowered? It is just that feeling from deep inside that feels so good. It spurs children on to want to try again, try more, to want to figure things out, to want to explore and learn or do it again. The motivation resides within them and they carry it to new settings. But if the reward comes from adults who praise or give gold stickers, the child is left feeling they may have made you happy, but it is not about them, it is about you. And in a new setting, they will look for the person they need to please, rather than feeling motivated for themselves.”
The final piece of communication was silent. There is always an inclination or internal battle about what behaviors you should stop, or discourage as a conscious parent. Should I show her the “right” way to interact with these materials AKA the way I envisioned in my mind? If I don’t stop her now, will she think that she can do every activity on the floor in the kitchen? Should I let her knock the figures over or kick them? Shouldn’t she treat all of her materials gently all the time? If I let her “get away with it” this time, am I setting a precedent? Here is the answer that I‘m slowly learning to accept— It depends! There is not a one size fits all response to every situation for every child. There isn’t a one size fits all for the same situation with the same child! The quick judgement call that I made not to intervene was influenced by a few factors. 1) Lyric is still at an age where she wants to be close to her parents even when she’s not necessarily engaging with us. 2)She was running through the house to burn necessary energy but with purpose. She was relocating an activity that she wanted to engage with. 3)This was the first time I saw her initiate play with the activity, so was now the time to reprimand or correct her location choice? 4) The pictures are laminated to make them relatively child-proof. Is jumping on them as opposed to placing them on a table actually problematic? Though I almost always cringe when I watch her knock down something that she’s taken time to set up, I know it’s developmentally appropriate behavior. So when she knocked all of the animals down and even kicked a few, I had to ask myself, “Is anything or anyone in danger? Will this behavior destroy the materials? Is she learning and engaged? I answered no, no, yes. So I kept my mouth shut and let her be. On a different day, under different circumstances and observations, I may handle it differently.
I look forward to continuing this blog and going even deeper on some of the topics touched on in this post. Tell me what else you’d like to read about.
